December 11, 2016
Cautionary Note: This is not an article. Nor is it fake news. It is something called fiction. Most people no longer understand that term. If they did, they would not be interested. How could fiction possibly reflect what is happening in the real world? Metaphor? Baloney! What does that stupid elite term even mean? Enrichment of the mind? Don’t be silly. We don’t have time for it. Kids get all that in college—and then they can’t find a job. Fiction died a long time ago. Who wrote fiction? Can’t remember. A few crazy Russians. A few British men. A guy named Hemingway, and then he killed himself. Serves him right. Now we deal in memes. Meme vs. meme. It’s a war. Twitter. 140 characters. Even 140 is too many. Puts a strain on the brain. What is a FICTION WRITER? He uses words to “make things different?” Who does he think he is? Just give us the bottom line. Sum up the piece in 25 words or less. Stop screwing around. Too many words make people nervous. There should be a federal limit on the number of words any person is allowed to write in a given day.
Note #2: I will say this, strange as it may seem. When I occasionally write and publish fiction at this blog, I probably have more readers than half the fiction writers in America. How is that possible? A clue: I’ve been writing at this site/blog for 15 years, almost every day. That’s how. And I’ve confirmed, through experience, that there are many people out there who still have minds and want to use them. This gradually dawned on me as a revelation. If you are one of those people, I salute you. If you aren’t, I don’t have to say anything, because you haven’t come far enough in this piece to read these words. Okay…here we go…
A document has been leaked. It’s a transcript of a phone call. Well, one side of a phone call. The man speaking is the editor at the Washington Post, Carl Von Garble Hogfogger III. Harvard grad. His uncle worked for the CIA. Carl, on the phone, is explaining, to an unknown personage of obvious importance, what the hell is happening at his newspaper in its new war against “fake news.” Carl is trying to make sense.
Excerpt One from phone call: “Look, we’re trying. We’re accusing everybody we can. We’re making a case for fake news as a virus that has spread, unchecked, through every independent alt site and blog. It started from Russia. Putin. That’s our first big headline. We don’t care anymore about the facts. This is a war, sir. And we have to win it, or we’ll all go down in flames. Fucking flames. I was talking to XXXX about it, and he agrees. Throw whatever we can at the wall and see what sticks. Now Hillary has stuck her nose in. We told her to stay in the background, but you know how she is. She wants to destroy the universe. She’s that Hindu goddess, shatterer of worlds. She’s in the same psych ward I’ll be in if we can’t…I understand, sir. Yes, but we’re all feeling unhinged. We’re up against half a million blogs and sites. Can’t we just spray them all with a drug and put them to sleep? Infect them with a super malware bug or whatever it’s called and freeze their asses? Can you believe that prick Zuckerberg said Facebook won’t cut off Trump’s account because he’s the president and everything he posts is automatically news? CIA-connected money launched Zuckerberg’s whole operation and now he’s got a conscience? What kind of crap is that? And Trump is posting YouTube videos! He’s bypassing us! He’s going straight to his audience. That shit has to stop immediately. This is the real danger, sir…yes, I know, but…okay…David Rockefeller said WHAT? Does he think we can just wave a wand and make everything go back to the way it was? We’re OUTED, sir. People know we’re the fakers. It’s an untenable position. That’s what I’m trying to tell you…”
Excerpt Two from phone call: “I was even thinking we could do a piece on UFOs and try to deflect attention from…yes, sir, I know. Podesta is interested in UFOs. Hell, I’d put him in some kind of weird costume and have him walk across the White House lawn. I’d turn our whole goddamn paper into a tabloid if I could, at this point. Brad and Angelina had a secret baby. Brad wrote Jen an apology letter. The mummies in Egyptian pyramids are still alive. Give us a distracting war, sir. Right now. A clash between US and Russian planes over Syria. Take down the Dow. Blame it on Trump. Tell Soros to have his people burn half a city. Get us out of this…”
Excerpt Three from phone call: “I want MSNBC gone! They’re making things worse. Their version of attacking fake news is even worse than ours. Get the NSA to shut them down, sir. I beg you. Brian Williams is attacking fake news? Jesus H Christ! The man has big balls, I’ll grant him that. He gets exiled for lying about being under fire in Iraq and now he’s the defender of honesty in journalism? Listen closely—I’m convinced somebody is shoveling money under the table to those MSNBC bastards. You know, to discredit OUR whole attack against fake news. It’s a clever inside-out op. Who’s that guy at Zero Hedge? He might have big-time connections on Wall Street. He’s getting millions and paying off MSNBC to look as ridiculous as they can. I spoke to XXX at the CIA and told him to look into this, and he told me I’m crazy. Can you believe it? I’m a CIA asset, and…
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